[ Yuri seems surprised to see him ask her, because she didn't expect that. She thought he would have asked other people, because she's very sure that there would be more people visiting him. ]
Admittedly, there are many things I don't know and can only make a guess for. Did you kill Dahut as an act of mercy? Was his heart originally chimera'd or did you try to save him? In figuring that out, I think it would be easier to pinpoint why you're feeling that way.
that lost feeling comes back, and with it a cavern of remorse opens up. dark, dreary, and so empty that it echoes. scien's expression falters for a moment before he closes his eyes.]
Then understand this: I know that I chose it, but I can no longer justify why.
I am a person who relies on logic above all else... and yet my own actions bewilder me, even though I know they are mine.
[ It's a part of being relatively humanoid, Yuri thinks. Scien will hear Yuri's thoughts that she had to leave behind her best friend and coworker at the time so that she could survive. Yuri isn't someone who depends on logic above everything, though it's up there, but she still. She didn't want to, but she had to. It left her with survivor's guilt that still wrecks her to this day. ]
... I will.
[ She will keep that in mind, now and forever because SCIEN IS DYING THE NEXT DAY, APPARENTLY ]
Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I'll come visit tomorrow too.
but scien is just quiet at that, tilting his head.]
Only come if you feel interested.
You don't need to serve me as my assistant any longer—go to Arpéchéle regardless at the end of all this. You will surely find work and people to assist you there.
But I don't want to risk your safety when I no longer trust this version of myself with it.
Are you saying that you could attack me at any time of your volition?
[ For some reason, this doesn't scare her. She's not even afraid of being attacked. It simply just is. ]
... Even though all this happened, I'm still considering going there. Is there anything that you want me to pass on to the people who are there? Or did you want this to be an "isolated incident"?
I have no intention to attack you, but I held little intention to attack Dahut either.
[so who the fuck knows what's going on, not him. there's a spark of frustration there again, bu tit disappears.]
Pass on... You can give a report to the Scien Brofiise there about what happened, and use it as a bartering chip to make sure he still hires you, but I do believe that version of myself will have the sense to listen.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Because he was the only one you ever respected?
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[ . . . ]
Something about that... doesn't feel right. But I don't like trusting only feelings.
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[ She's not going to say who that's from, but she certainly thought of that quote after being reminded of it. ]
That's why you have your reasoning to go with it, right? So that you can think about it carefully.
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[ . . . ]
I've never struggled so intensely with my own logic before.
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[ aka you can ask others, scien!! even though he hates dealing with people. she's doing her best to help him socialize. ]
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but there is some small amount of hesitation. resistance. before he finally gives in - ]
... fine.
Then what do you think is happening?
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Admittedly, there are many things I don't know and can only make a guess for. Did you kill Dahut as an act of mercy? Was his heart originally chimera'd or did you try to save him? In figuring that out, I think it would be easier to pinpoint why you're feeling that way.
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It was not an act of mercy or salvation. He was not in pain until I gave him a reason to be.
[and that strikes poorly with him - the plain statement brings up a distant feeling of remorse and frustration.]
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[ ... ]
... Was it about playing god?
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Even when I accepted being revered as a god, that is not the type of person I was.
I won't pretend that I don't have blood on my hands, or that I don't make cruel decisions... but I hate unnecessary sacrifice.
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[ Yuri quietly breathes out. ]
That's why I wanted to know. I wanted to understand your way of thinking. I still do.
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that lost feeling comes back, and with it a cavern of remorse opens up. dark, dreary, and so empty that it echoes. scien's expression falters for a moment before he closes his eyes.]
Then understand this: I know that I chose it, but I can no longer justify why.
I am a person who relies on logic above all else... and yet my own actions bewilder me, even though I know they are mine.
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... I will.
[ She will keep that in mind, now and forever because SCIEN IS DYING THE NEXT DAY, APPARENTLY ]
Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I'll come visit tomorrow too.
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but scien is just quiet at that, tilting his head.]
Only come if you feel interested.
You don't need to serve me as my assistant any longer—go to Arpéchéle regardless at the end of all this. You will surely find work and people to assist you there.
But I don't want to risk your safety when I no longer trust this version of myself with it.
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[ For some reason, this doesn't scare her. She's not even afraid of being attacked. It simply just is. ]
... Even though all this happened, I'm still considering going there. Is there anything that you want me to pass on to the people who are there? Or did you want this to be an "isolated incident"?
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[so who the fuck knows what's going on, not him. there's a spark of frustration there again, bu tit disappears.]
Pass on... You can give a report to the Scien Brofiise there about what happened, and use it as a bartering chip to make sure he still hires you, but I do believe that version of myself will have the sense to listen.
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[ Those kinds of people are rather easy to persuade as long as you had the right evidence to do so. ]
I'll get going then. I'll see you tomorrow, Scien... sleep well.
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[but he nods, accepting. she will see him tomorrow but probably not in the way she hopes! help!]
I won't, but that's on purpose. [less energy for this body is probably safe for everyone else...] Go rest.