You said that he thought the act of making connections still mattered, even if you were going to die. What's the point of living if you don't enjoy what it gives you?
I just wondered what the point of giving other people more time was if you didn't believe in that. But your answer was sufficient.
... I've always existed separately from others. Even before I became a Reliver, my connections and emotions weren't very strong.
But for others... [a pause, like he's considering. remembering something. someone else's voice in his head going you're not some god] ... and maybe one day for myself -
I think there is nothing wrong with fulfilling a full, rich, self-involved life.
[to protect themselves and care for themselves - in a way scien doesn't entirely know how to]
... That's what I want. So I agree with you. [she wants to be free, and she can't say that she isn't selfish (which isn't quite self-involved, but they're interchangeable, for her) for wanting it, considering what she has to do to earn it.] If it's not out of my reach, I don't think it's out of the question for you.
You are a very interesting person, Scien. [that sounds like a compliment. gently, she places his braid over his shoulder.] And I'm sorry about Dahut.
... I did. I do. [there's an achy little feeling when she thinks about luke - a blip of a thought about his smile, and then she shifts, standing up to move out of his tether range.]
well, there's a slide of a sharper feeling (that still comes out a little crunchy) as he pieces out what it is - recognition, apprehension, hesitation.
he is contemplative for a moment before he ultimately allows it, still wary:]
... I will let you know if it becomes too much. Until then, you're not troubling me unless I say so.
she glances at him, and this time there's a little wryness in her emotions.]
I'm not going to ask you to talk about my feelings with me, Scien. [she's already detaching again, putting the thoughts where she can't touch them.] You don't need to be afraid of the possibility.
He told me a little about the emotional side of it. That you run the risk of losing emotions each time. And that he was trying to make that happen less.
Not all emotions—but most strong ones. Regret, hatred, jealousy, elation... they can be too much for the system to process. Even now, I keep feeling my memory bank warn me against my own anger. [the cycles are because scien's about to overheat like an old laptop] In general, the ones we feel aren't... exactly the same.
[it's why scien's emotions truly never feel entirely right]
The only emotion that will never translate properly to our bodies is love. [because it's an otome game] The results can be dangerous. So I can't be around any of you, if it means you might share that feeling with me.
On the fifth time, I lose my mind and try to rip my own memory bank, which exists in the form of a makeshift heart, out of my chest because the feeling floods the system, causing an overload of pain.
[this is sarcasm. but there is a small bit of sadness for him, even though she knows he'd probably hate it. she's never been in love, but she's felt it. never being able to experience it sounds. well, lonely.]
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Why does it matter?
[why bother asking for his motivations on this, the day of his dead dahut?]
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You said that he thought the act of making connections still mattered, even if you were going to die. What's the point of living if you don't enjoy what it gives you?
I just wondered what the point of giving other people more time was if you didn't believe in that. But your answer was sufficient.
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But for others... [a pause, like he's considering. remembering something. someone else's voice in his head going you're not some god] ... and maybe one day for myself -
I think there is nothing wrong with fulfilling a full, rich, self-involved life.
[to protect themselves and care for themselves - in a way scien doesn't entirely know how to]
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... That's what I want. So I agree with you. [she wants to be free, and she can't say that she isn't selfish (which isn't quite self-involved, but they're interchangeable, for her) for wanting it, considering what she has to do to earn it.] If it's not out of my reach, I don't think it's out of the question for you.
You are a very interesting person, Scien. [that sounds like a compliment. gently, she places his braid over his shoulder.] And I'm sorry about Dahut.
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[those condolences]
After all, you cared for them both, didn't you?
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... I did. I do. [there's an achy little feeling when she thinks about luke - a blip of a thought about his smile, and then she shifts, standing up to move out of his tether range.]
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but he'll reach up to catch ahold of her wrist - still light enough she can pull away if she wishes]
Stay, if you wish. If it's out of consideration for me, you don't have to move.
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a pause, and then she sits back down.]
If you're sure. [now he has to suffer through her embarrassing baby crush on luke though, so that sucks for him]
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uh
well, there's a slide of a sharper feeling (that still comes out a little crunchy) as he pieces out what it is - recognition, apprehension, hesitation.
he is contemplative for a moment before he ultimately allows it, still wary:]
... I will let you know if it becomes too much. Until then, you're not troubling me unless I say so.
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she glances at him, and this time there's a little wryness in her emotions.]
I'm not going to ask you to talk about my feelings with me, Scien. [she's already detaching again, putting the thoughts where she can't touch them.] You don't need to be afraid of the possibility.
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[my dreams of scien engaging in girltalk? DASHED. HOW WILL I GET MY HET CONTENT
. . . ]
What did Dahut tell you about Relivers?
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He told me a little about the emotional side of it. That you run the risk of losing emotions each time. And that he was trying to make that happen less.
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Not all emotions—but most strong ones. Regret, hatred, jealousy, elation... they can be too much for the system to process. Even now, I keep feeling my memory bank warn me against my own anger. [the cycles are because scien's about to overheat like an old laptop] In general, the ones we feel aren't... exactly the same.
[it's why scien's emotions truly never feel entirely right]
The only emotion that will never translate properly to our bodies is love. [because it's an otome game] The results can be dangerous. So I can't be around any of you, if it means you might share that feeling with me.
That's all.
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but also because he says love and she looks. offended? she looks offended.]
I'm not feeling that. [... vague embarrassment.]
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But I suppose you're right. At the moment, it's not that, or else I would ask you to move.
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the embarrassment gets worse, but it's sort of indignant because she can't really argue it.]
... What happens? [she's curious.]
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he's bewildered enough by this that he lets his face flatline even though his dahut is dead]
What happens.... if I fall in love?
[he needs to acknowledge how stupid it sounds out loud]
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Or if you feel it strongly here. [just as flatly back]
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On the fifth time, I lose my mind and try to rip my own memory bank, which exists in the form of a makeshift heart, out of my chest because the feeling floods the system, causing an overload of pain.
[so that's
cool and fun and a thing he'd like to avoid]
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... Sounds like a fun time.
[this is sarcasm. but there is a small bit of sadness for him, even though she knows he'd probably hate it. she's never been in love, but she's felt it. never being able to experience it sounds. well, lonely.]
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Stop pitying me over something I wouldn't want, even if it didn't run the risk of killing me.
[ . . . ]
For the sake of two lovebirds I owe a debt to... it's my secondary mission to fix it, after the curse. Dahut would enjoy it too.
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... Good to know. People deserve to feel it if they want it.
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[he shrugs]
But I suppose once you live past 23, you can have more time to think about things like that.
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... That's the hope. For one more dawn.