I haven't. If anything, I am more collared than ever before.
I am left without understanding of my own choices, making me unable to recognize myself. I am accepting of wallowing in this world as a human, to accept my own pitiful emotions...
But I have never been confused by myself.
[and that is where he sits now, pondering his own thoughts and emotions on repeating. running into the same dead ends and roadblocks, unable to organize his own logic.]
No. I don't think so. That's a temporary thing. [...] You just haven't had any opportunity to learn more about yourself for a long time.
... I don't know what's happening to you. It made you do something that you would never do.
[but she thinks of that last little snippet of his thoughts - maybe i should have asked for help - and maybe she's only known him for a couple of days, but she thinks that was something new.]
I don't know if I can accept a help that puts others at such risk. That goes against my principles too.
[when this place is so dangerous, and it's impossible to know who to trust. scien, even if he's willing to reach out a hand, doesn't want to drag someone else into the depths of hades with him.]
Maybe when there are more answers, and if I am still here... I will allow it.
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[in his emotions there's a sudden surge of violence, prompting his eyes open to look upward for a moment, before it ebbs. his brows furrow.]
... I wanted to see his heart. So I did.
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Something... possessed you?
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No. I chose to do it.
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I don't understand.
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... I know I chose it. This is my fault.
[ . . . but it feels like there's something missing]
My own logic has flaws.
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Why would you choose it? You didn't want him dead, surely.
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[ . . .
another softer thought it had to be me. it's my fault.]
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[a pause.]
It doesn't make sense, Scien.
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and in his feelings that lost feeling grows stronger
it doesn't. but it's true.]
... I don't believe I'm useful to you all any longer, mademoiselle.
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I doubt any of the people here cared about you being useful. [a beat. wait, was that rude. ah.]
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[S
SELF-AWARE?]
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I've interacted with worse.
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[but well
he thinks his point remains]
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I am learning that, but a bit too late.
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I don't think it's too late. [...] You've gotten rid of your collar.
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I am left without understanding of my own choices, making me unable to recognize myself. I am accepting of wallowing in this world as a human, to accept my own pitiful emotions...
But I have never been confused by myself.
[and that is where he sits now, pondering his own thoughts and emotions on repeating. running into the same dead ends and roadblocks, unable to organize his own logic.]
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No. I don't think so. That's a temporary thing. [...] You just haven't had any opportunity to learn more about yourself for a long time.
... I don't know what's happening to you. It made you do something that you would never do.
[but she thinks of that last little snippet of his thoughts - maybe i should have asked for help - and maybe she's only known him for a couple of days, but she thinks that was something new.]
You know that you can ask for help, now.
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I don't know if I can accept a help that puts others at such risk. That goes against my principles too.
[when this place is so dangerous, and it's impossible to know who to trust. scien, even if he's willing to reach out a hand, doesn't want to drag someone else into the depths of hades with him.]
Maybe when there are more answers, and if I am still here... I will allow it.