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[scien makes a simple statement that is probably infuriating:]
Then replicate the suppressing effect of the nanites through a different method, and expel the actual thing from your body.
[he says it so simply, but that is again the decision making of a man who was regarded as a god]
You know that there is some form of freedom that exists. Why let it slip you by to return to a fate you no longer want?
Then replicate the suppressing effect of the nanites through a different method, and expel the actual thing from your body.
[he says it so simply, but that is again the decision making of a man who was regarded as a god]
You know that there is some form of freedom that exists. Why let it slip you by to return to a fate you no longer want?
[ it is infuriating, but it is also tiresome. he makes it sound like it'd be so simple. he may have been seen as a god, but her entire issue is someone who is seen as a goddess. ]
I do not think it is so simple because once Niao Lian chooses her next Winter King, the previous dies not long after she is left behind.
[ there is more to it, but she is not quite ready to acknowledge or admit it quite yet. ]
And there is no guarantee she will choose a next one even if we could be separated like you suggest. I could not shoulder my country collapsing because I wanted to be free.
[ she has a conscience, unfortunately. ]
I do not think it is so simple because once Niao Lian chooses her next Winter King, the previous dies not long after she is left behind.
[ there is more to it, but she is not quite ready to acknowledge or admit it quite yet. ]
And there is no guarantee she will choose a next one even if we could be separated like you suggest. I could not shoulder my country collapsing because I wanted to be free.
[ she has a conscience, unfortunately. ]
[he considers that thoughtfully. it sounds like such a hell. scien doesn't like his country very much either, but he vows to save it. even if his actions became more limited, he doesn't think he'd stop seeing to its well-being.
but it'd be different if he felt confined so obviously.]
Do you like your country? Or is it the idea of basic human decency that you can't stand the idea of having so many deaths fall upon your shoulders?
but it'd be different if he felt confined so obviously.]
Do you like your country? Or is it the idea of basic human decency that you can't stand the idea of having so many deaths fall upon your shoulders?
I have no love for my country. [ there is no patriotism in her small body. ] I do have a conscience.
[ she wouldn't say it's basic human decency that's holding her back, though. that doesn't feel quite right. it's not something she's examined too deeply, if only because it's not something she's been made to consider. ]
More than that, it's a duty I have to honor and I can't leave the people I care about like that.
[ she has a responsibility to them, too. ]
[ she wouldn't say it's basic human decency that's holding her back, though. that doesn't feel quite right. it's not something she's examined too deeply, if only because it's not something she's been made to consider. ]
More than that, it's a duty I have to honor and I can't leave the people I care about like that.
[ she has a responsibility to them, too. ]
[ . . . well. scien just frowns slightly. said like that, it's not something he can or would care to argue against.]
If you believe that to be enough.
[since it seems to be holding her back from her own life.
but the void shifts, and this time it's scien's turn to talk a bit about duty, debts, and not caring about the whole but perhaps just a few is enough.
Bread is the main food I consume. ]
If you believe that to be enough.
[since it seems to be holding her back from her own life.
but the void shifts, and this time it's scien's turn to talk a bit about duty, debts, and not caring about the whole but perhaps just a few is enough.
Bread is the main food I consume. ]
[ HIS BREAD LORE
it is difficult to say she understands scien in this memory, but she does understand certain parts. she understands the starvation even if her response to days and weeks of it is almost the opposite of his. she understands repayment.
it is interesting to witness when she thinks scien is a prideful man. she holds back from asking him if he's dead even without the ship's interference and asks instead: ]
Was it worth it?
it is difficult to say she understands scien in this memory, but she does understand certain parts. she understands the starvation even if her response to days and weeks of it is almost the opposite of his. she understands repayment.
it is interesting to witness when she thinks scien is a prideful man. she holds back from asking him if he's dead even without the ship's interference and asks instead: ]
Was it worth it?
[scien doesn't mind his memories being shown.
he's not as skittish as everyone else regarding his life, honestly a straightforward person to a fault. so it's why he can answer her question without hesitating or feeling embarrassed]
Yes.
I wouldn't have done it if I didn't find it to be worthwhile to begin with.
he's not as skittish as everyone else regarding his life, honestly a straightforward person to a fault. so it's why he can answer her question without hesitating or feeling embarrassed]
Yes.
I wouldn't have done it if I didn't find it to be worthwhile to begin with.
Even though everything you were working for was burning around you? [ even maybe at the cost of his own life? ] Why?
[ there is paying back debts, but this is a little extreme. she doesn't think he's wrong for choosing it, but she doesn't understand it coming from him specifically. ]
[ there is paying back debts, but this is a little extreme. she doesn't think he's wrong for choosing it, but she doesn't understand it coming from him specifically. ]
Do I have to explain myself again?
[to scien, it's exactly as it appears. it is a matter of paying back debts.]
His family saved both myself and the country at large. His grandfather was a collaborator of mine, and I'm not the type of person who forgets debts.
[rather, scien is helped so rarely in his life and interacts with people as little as possible that it's easy to keep track of who makes an impression on him]
I imagined both of us were going to die then, but if his was preventable, I was going to prevent it.
[to scien, it's exactly as it appears. it is a matter of paying back debts.]
His family saved both myself and the country at large. His grandfather was a collaborator of mine, and I'm not the type of person who forgets debts.
[rather, scien is helped so rarely in his life and interacts with people as little as possible that it's easy to keep track of who makes an impression on him]
I imagined both of us were going to die then, but if his was preventable, I was going to prevent it.
You wanted him to live, despite everything.
[ it's not quite confusion or disbelief or wonder. it's not a concept she's never considered. it's more like she's saying it to try and roll the thought around in her head like a water wheel. ]
Even though you said he'd likely still die.
[ it's not quite confusion or disbelief or wonder. it's not a concept she's never considered. it's more like she's saying it to try and roll the thought around in her head like a water wheel. ]
Even though you said he'd likely still die.
If I left him there, he definitely would've died. His heart wasn't beating.
Since I intervened, he rallied enough so that his last moments could be spent trying to get to his lover. Even though I thought he would most likely die before he even reached her.
[all those things are true. so many things were stacked against yves.
but.]
But yes. I want him to live. I want him to be well and healthy and stupid, even if I never saw him again.
Since I intervened, he rallied enough so that his last moments could be spent trying to get to his lover. Even though I thought he would most likely die before he even reached her.
[all those things are true. so many things were stacked against yves.
but.]
But yes. I want him to live. I want him to be well and healthy and stupid, even if I never saw him again.
The primary reason why I saved him was my debt to his family.
[he wants that to be clear. who yves was aside from that is slightly more incidental. sort of.]
... but he is a good man. Quintessentially good. Altruistic, kind, and clever.
The type of person who is fated to oppose me.
[and yet, despite this, scien is so entirely aware he would choose to save yves every single time]
[he wants that to be clear. who yves was aside from that is slightly more incidental. sort of.]
... but he is a good man. Quintessentially good. Altruistic, kind, and clever.
The type of person who is fated to oppose me.
[and yet, despite this, scien is so entirely aware he would choose to save yves every single time]
[what a trial that was! scien is probably walking around a little after working on his project for the vast majority of that trial and only looking up at the end. when he sees shouxue he does the clear mental math of approaching or leaving
but eventually approaches]
Still angry?
but eventually approaches]
Still angry?
They wanted to feel entirely sure that it was him, down to the confirmation of anger. Even though every piece already aligned, and it would have been more worthwhile to move on.
I don't know what the difference between you is. Only that whatever explanation they give, it won't be enough.
[nothing would be enough to justify their rudeness]
I don't know what the difference between you is. Only that whatever explanation they give, it won't be enough.
[nothing would be enough to justify their rudeness]
The system harbors no kindness for anyone, but to goad him like that.... when they guessed he murdered because of the anger is foolish.
I do not want to understand what was going through their minds. Even if they wanted to maintain all the focus on him for whatever reason, it won't be a justification.
[ she also thinks it won't be enough. ]
You were right. It is self-satisfaction.
I do not want to understand what was going through their minds. Even if they wanted to maintain all the focus on him for whatever reason, it won't be a justification.
[ she also thinks it won't be enough. ]
You were right. It is self-satisfaction.
Most of that ending was self-satisfaction.
[the goading, the baiting, and whatever was going on with nodd]
No one denies the blood on his hands. But they all have to know by now that he's also trapped inside his own mind at the exact same time. What point is there, in giving him more to suffer over?
Even I got irritated.
[the goading, the baiting, and whatever was going on with nodd]
No one denies the blood on his hands. But they all have to know by now that he's also trapped inside his own mind at the exact same time. What point is there, in giving him more to suffer over?
Even I got irritated.
People are disappointing and confounding. I'm reminded why I prefer not to interact with most of them.
[and why scien's opinion on most of the ship is generally just in the realm of neutrality]
Their selfishness is not something you can remove from their persons.
[and why scien's opinion on most of the ship is generally just in the realm of neutrality]
Their selfishness is not something you can remove from their persons.
No.
[he has so little faith in people]
You can ask the Masochist himself when he arrives tomorrow—but he will probably say something like 'that is the least I deserve'.
But I don't anticipate people would willingly choose to try to bait anger like that and then regret it later when they've convinced themselves it's a necessity.
[he has so little faith in people]
You can ask the Masochist himself when he arrives tomorrow—but he will probably say something like 'that is the least I deserve'.
But I don't anticipate people would willingly choose to try to bait anger like that and then regret it later when they've convinced themselves it's a necessity.
[ every conversation with scien is her seesawing between what a wretched man and maybe he's reasonable?
how did it come to this that he's no longer the person she has the most disdain for... ]
Very well. At the very least, we'll find out what else is blocked.
how did it come to this that he's no longer the person she has the most disdain for... ]
Very well. At the very least, we'll find out what else is blocked.
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