egodist | yuri deserves the world

[scien is

horizontal again i'm sorry this man is really splayed out on the ground looking at the ceiling. his emotions are still in that tight little box bundle, but the strongest one that leaks through is this sense of being lost.

he'll glance over at yuri though]

... you can still request to go to Arpéchéle. If you survive to the end of all this.

There will be a Scien Brofiise there that can still benefit from your assistance—or if you go to an orphanage run by a woman named Sister Salome, she'll look after you.

Just don't work for this hellhole.

... There are multiple versions of you? And that version will know me?

[ It doesn't surprise her too much, but you know what... that makes sense. ]

Um... how are you feeling?

[ Apart from lost. ]

That version won't know you. My memories won't transfer over. But if you prove yourself, I'm sure he'll come to the same conclusion.

[GIVE HER A JOBBBBB SAVE SWEET YURI

but at the question, he just hums]

Contemplative.

... Alright.

[ Contemplative, huh. Yuri has a moment to think about her next words. ]

Dahut was really fond of you. He said that you two were close... or similar to that. He also told me some things about you too... that's how I guessed that the office that I saw must have been yours.

[ Hella messy office. ]

"He has a bad personality, but he's really much better than it makes him seem." ... "Please don't be afraid to spend more time with him." was what he told me. Did you ever feel any sort of closeness to him in return?

[ah.

the flickers of disbelieving fondness, an almost exasperated amusement come through.]

Dahut and I worked together for most of his life, and over half of mine. I don't like to interact with people. They slow me down, or their thin skin makes it impossible for us to communicate.

[ . . . ]

Dahut never feared me. He annoyed me, but he was competent in spite of his own personality. He is my assistant, and in my own timeline that is separate from his own, I've entrusted him with the National Research Institute. My life's work.

Rather than closeness, there is no one I acknowledge more than him.

[and then, a traitorous thought so why did it end up like this?]

[ Yeah, why did it? Yuri sits on the ground, because standing makes her feel... off, when Scien is just there, lying down on the floor. She tries to think of what to say. It feels tragic--and for Scien who has rarely changed over the years according to Dahut, all this... she wonders if it's a new experience for Scien. ]

I could feel a lot of anger from you during the trial. Why? I didn't think it would be because you could be found out, but something else...

I...

[there is a swirling sense of confusion around him. he frowns, as if trying to recall the feeling. this man is already bad with emotions it's so rough out here]

... Angry at myself, maybe?

[the way scien sounds so uncertain is so wild]

Edited 2024-03-03 04:32 (UTC)

[ Yuri is quiet. She knows that Scien is bad with emotions, so she wants to help him process it. ]

For doing that to Dahut?

[ It isn't accusatory, but she wants to help him understand. She wants to understand too. ]

... it must be.

[right? his brow furrows like he's trying to see if that feels right]

[ It's okay. She is patient. She has all day. ]

Because he was the only one you ever respected?

... there's another. A woman.

[ . . . ]

Something about that... doesn't feel right. But I don't like trusting only feelings.

"Follow your heart, but take your brain with you."

[ She's not going to say who that's from, but she certainly thought of that quote after being reminded of it. ]

That's why you have your reasoning to go with it, right? So that you can think about it carefully.

"Heart" does not make as much sense for Relivers, but I do see your point.

[ . . . ]

I've never struggled so intensely with my own logic before.

It's not a bad idea to get multiple perspectives to form your own conclusion.

[ aka you can ask others, scien!! even though he hates dealing with people. she's doing her best to help him socialize. ]

[sweet yuri there is not a single scien brofiise in the world who deserves you

but there is some small amount of hesitation. resistance. before he finally gives in - ]

... fine.

Then what do you think is happening?

[ Yuri seems surprised to see him ask her, because she didn't expect that. She thought he would have asked other people, because she's very sure that there would be more people visiting him. ]

Admittedly, there are many things I don't know and can only make a guess for. Did you kill Dahut as an act of mercy? Was his heart originally chimera'd or did you try to save him? In figuring that out, I think it would be easier to pinpoint why you're feeling that way.

As far as his heart goes, he did that to himself. I knew that beforehand, because he told me.

It was not an act of mercy or salvation. He was not in pain until I gave him a reason to be.

[and that strikes poorly with him - the plain statement brings up a distant feeling of remorse and frustration.]

Did you kill him of your own will? Or were you influenced or controlled?

[ ... ]

... Was it about playing god?

[there is the slightest spark of off-kilter irritation there]

Even when I accepted being revered as a god, that is not the type of person I was.

I won't pretend that I don't have blood on my hands, or that I don't make cruel decisions... but I hate unnecessary sacrifice.

... I do too.

[ Yuri quietly breathes out. ]

That's why I wanted to know. I wanted to understand your way of thinking. I still do.

[ . . . .

that lost feeling comes back, and with it a cavern of remorse opens up. dark, dreary, and so empty that it echoes. scien's expression falters for a moment before he closes his eyes.]

Then understand this: I know that I chose it, but I can no longer justify why.

I am a person who relies on logic above all else... and yet my own actions bewilder me, even though I know they are mine.

[ It's a part of being relatively humanoid, Yuri thinks. Scien will hear Yuri's thoughts that she had to leave behind her best friend and coworker at the time so that she could survive. Yuri isn't someone who depends on logic above everything, though it's up there, but she still. She didn't want to, but she had to. It left her with survivor's guilt that still wrecks her to this day. ]

... I will.

[ She will keep that in mind, now and forever because SCIEN IS DYING THE NEXT DAY, APPARENTLY ]

Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I'll come visit tomorrow too.

[HELPPPPPP SORRY YURI MY SWEET BABYGIRL

but scien is just quiet at that, tilting his head.]

Only come if you feel interested.

You don't need to serve me as my assistant any longer—go to Arpéchéle regardless at the end of all this. You will surely find work and people to assist you there.

But I don't want to risk your safety when I no longer trust this version of myself with it.

Are you saying that you could attack me at any time of your volition?

[ For some reason, this doesn't scare her. She's not even afraid of being attacked. It simply just is. ]

... Even though all this happened, I'm still considering going there. Is there anything that you want me to pass on to the people who are there? Or did you want this to be an "isolated incident"?

I have no intention to attack you, but I held little intention to attack Dahut either.

[so who the fuck knows what's going on, not him. there's a spark of frustration there again, bu tit disappears.]

Pass on... You can give a report to the Scien Brofiise there about what happened, and use it as a bartering chip to make sure he still hires you, but I do believe that version of myself will have the sense to listen.

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