scien and throné the french adjacents

[egodist]

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[naeddre]

[pixi said no hets don't even THINK about hets]

... No. Doors are locked.

[she says, swallowing hard. there's a second where she just kind of takes in the way he looks, the emotional loop, and anything she's feeling shuts down and gets shelved. she moves closer, and holds out a hand.]

Let me fix your hair. [let her fix anything. she's a little shellshocked.]

[egodist]

[there is a long, long moment where he doesn't say anything, only staring at her hand.

but then so, so briefly that it can be easy to miss: the briefest glimmer of heartache. of someone who he expects to be here, but isn't.

he moves to walk past her. but only to a couch, where he sits. to make it easier for her. he says nothing, but hopefully the action is enough.]

[naeddre]

[yeah. she understands that. for more reasons than one, but. she understands.

he goes to the couch, and she follows him. carefully, she sits down next to him, and shifts just enough so she has the space to braid his hair for him. her hands are slender and gentle and efficient as she starts to separate the pieces.]

... I will help you figure out what happened.

[egodist]

[on the one hand, scien thinks that this is what he's owed. if something has been taken from him, then he should be able to get answers.

it's just that he doesn't expect anyone to help him, despite all his bossing around. if people are intimidated into cooperation with him, that's fine. if they're doing so out of pity, that's still fine as long as they get somewhere.

but since help is being offered, and he has the option to accept or decline...]

Name what you want in exchange.

[naeddre]

I don't want anything.

[she says, not looking at him.]

I liked him. He was very sweet to me, and I won't allow him to fade away without answers. This investigation is for my benefit - if you'd like help, I'm offering it, but I'll be doing it either way.

[egodist]

Cooperation would be simpler.

[especially from someone that scien thinks has two braincells to rub together. he's already without his assistant, which puts him at an inconvenience here.

. . . . ]

He would be happy.

To hear that you cared for him without strings attached.

[naeddre]

[she pauses in braiding, and then:]

... That makes me happy. [she doesn't feel it, but she knows it must, eventually.] I hope he knew that I liked spending time with him.

[egodist]

I can't speak any further for him in that regard.

[the first comment was made simply because that's not the environment that scien and dahut are from. when you're at the top of the institute, everyone is either trying to use you as a way to bring themselves up - or to take you down.]

... both of us were and are probably going to die upon return to our home world. I told him that makes any connections we make here fairly useless to us.

He told me, in his usual annoying way, that the acting of making them still means something. I don't know if that will bring you comfort but...

Your time with him did mean something.

[naeddre]

[she finishes his hair, and ties it in place.]

It does. [she says, still soft.] It does mean something. Especially for those of us who only have one life to live.

There isn't much point to being alive if you don't enjoy the things that life gives you.

[egodist]

[ . . . ]

A thought for other people, I suppose.

[his emotions indicate he clearly thinks himself apart from that]

[naeddre]

[her lips twitch at one corner, halfheartedly.]

Hm. I don't think so. But I won't argue with you about it.

[egodist]

Then find something to enjoy on my behalf.

After all this.

[naeddre]

You even delegate pleasure to someone else. [there's something faintly, fondly exasperated.]

... I have a question if you'll indulge me. We can exchange, as usual.

[egodist]

Joy isn't one of my priorities.

[insufferable bastard,]

But very well. Ask it.

[naeddre]

That's actually part of the question.

You've been trying to find a way to extend the lifespan of your people, right? To live to an old age. [or at least, that's the impression she's gotten from both him and dahut.] Why? Why is that important to you?

[egodist]

Because I don't believe one population should be condemned to early death because of the misfortune of where they were born. My father and grandfather researched it all their short lives, and came up with nothing to show for it.

I finished my projects, so I took up the mantle because I was bored. I developed Reliver technology in those months.

[infuriating man creates clone tech because he ran out of hobbies]

Now, I simply aim to finish what I started. To free the island of its so called curse, because it is my responsibility as someone who has the capability in his grasp. I don't have a big, altruistic reason. I imagine that's disappointing to people... but I would be lying if I said I had one.

[naeddre]

... You don't think that's altruistic? To finish something because it's you think it's your responsibility?

[she seems genuinely curious about this]

[egodist]

I don’t do it because I think it’s my calling to help people, or because I inherently believe in the goodness of humanity.

It’s simply incidental that my work leads to salvation.

[naeddre]

Hm. No, I don't think you would. I suppose I'd think you much more selfish if you had just left it at I do this because I was bored and hate leaving projects unfinished.

It's not a disappointing answer. I wasn't expecting anything grandiose. I have an idea of who you are, or at the very least, who you present yourself as.

[egodist]

My question for you in return then is simply this:

Why does it matter?

[why bother asking for his motivations on this, the day of his dead dahut?]

[naeddre]

... Because it mattered to Dahut, I think.

You said that he thought the act of making connections still mattered, even if you were going to die. What's the point of living if you don't enjoy what it gives you?

I just wondered what the point of giving other people more time was if you didn't believe in that. But your answer was sufficient.

[egodist]

... I've always existed separately from others. Even before I became a Reliver, my connections and emotions weren't very strong.

But for others... [a pause, like he's considering. remembering something. someone else's voice in his head going you're not some god] ... and maybe one day for myself -

I think there is nothing wrong with fulfilling a full, rich, self-involved life.

[to protect themselves and care for themselves - in a way scien doesn't entirely know how to]

[naeddre]

[a little nod.]

... That's what I want. So I agree with you. [she wants to be free, and she can't say that she isn't selfish (which isn't quite self-involved, but they're interchangeable, for her) for wanting it, considering what she has to do to earn it.] If it's not out of my reach, I don't think it's out of the question for you.

You are a very interesting person, Scien. [that sounds like a compliment. gently, she places his braid over his shoulder.] And I'm sorry about Dahut.

[egodist]

... I don't want to hear that. Least of all from you.

[those condolences]

After all, you cared for them both, didn't you?

[naeddre]

[a pause, and she exhales slowly.]

... I did. I do. [there's an achy little feeling when she thinks about luke - a blip of a thought about his smile, and then she shifts, standing up to move out of his tether range.]