horizontal again i'm sorry this man is really splayed out on the ground looking at the ceiling. his emotions are still in that tight little box bundle, but the strongest one that leaks through is this sense of being lost.]
I haven't. If anything, I am more collared than ever before.
I am left without understanding of my own choices, making me unable to recognize myself. I am accepting of wallowing in this world as a human, to accept my own pitiful emotions...
But I have never been confused by myself.
[and that is where he sits now, pondering his own thoughts and emotions on repeating. running into the same dead ends and roadblocks, unable to organize his own logic.]
No. I don't think so. That's a temporary thing. [...] You just haven't had any opportunity to learn more about yourself for a long time.
... I don't know what's happening to you. It made you do something that you would never do.
[but she thinks of that last little snippet of his thoughts - maybe i should have asked for help - and maybe she's only known him for a couple of days, but she thinks that was something new.]
I don't know if I can accept a help that puts others at such risk. That goes against my principles too.
[when this place is so dangerous, and it's impossible to know who to trust. scien, even if he's willing to reach out a hand, doesn't want to drag someone else into the depths of hades with him.]
Maybe when there are more answers, and if I am still here... I will allow it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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horizontal again i'm sorry this man is really splayed out on the ground looking at the ceiling. his emotions are still in that tight little box bundle, but the strongest one that leaks through is this sense of being lost.]
You did. I'm grateful.
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she doesn't mind him being horizontal. god knows she also wants to be, but she's too proper for it.]
What happened?
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[in his emotions there's a sudden surge of violence, prompting his eyes open to look upward for a moment, before it ebbs. his brows furrow.]
... I wanted to see his heart. So I did.
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Something... possessed you?
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No. I chose to do it.
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I don't understand.
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... I know I chose it. This is my fault.
[ . . . but it feels like there's something missing]
My own logic has flaws.
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Why would you choose it? You didn't want him dead, surely.
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[ . . .
another softer thought it had to be me. it's my fault.]
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[a pause.]
It doesn't make sense, Scien.
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and in his feelings that lost feeling grows stronger
it doesn't. but it's true.]
... I don't believe I'm useful to you all any longer, mademoiselle.
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I doubt any of the people here cared about you being useful. [a beat. wait, was that rude. ah.]
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[S
SELF-AWARE?]
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I've interacted with worse.
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[but well
he thinks his point remains]
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I am learning that, but a bit too late.
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I don't think it's too late. [...] You've gotten rid of your collar.
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I am left without understanding of my own choices, making me unable to recognize myself. I am accepting of wallowing in this world as a human, to accept my own pitiful emotions...
But I have never been confused by myself.
[and that is where he sits now, pondering his own thoughts and emotions on repeating. running into the same dead ends and roadblocks, unable to organize his own logic.]
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No. I don't think so. That's a temporary thing. [...] You just haven't had any opportunity to learn more about yourself for a long time.
... I don't know what's happening to you. It made you do something that you would never do.
[but she thinks of that last little snippet of his thoughts - maybe i should have asked for help - and maybe she's only known him for a couple of days, but she thinks that was something new.]
You know that you can ask for help, now.
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I don't know if I can accept a help that puts others at such risk. That goes against my principles too.
[when this place is so dangerous, and it's impossible to know who to trust. scien, even if he's willing to reach out a hand, doesn't want to drag someone else into the depths of hades with him.]
Maybe when there are more answers, and if I am still here... I will allow it.