[time to be at the bar after it's all cleared out! scien has brought out a bottle of wine, but also small things of note:
there is already a medical kit on the bar counter, clearly open and used. don't worry about it. the multi-tool isn't far either. on scien's floppy sleeve where his arm definitely isn't (and hasn't been since he arrived) there's a bloodstain. help me.
when throné walks in, he'll raise a brow silently. he's not ignoring her! this is already something.]
maybe to her credit she only pauses a little when she walks in and beholds scien lackofabrofist at the bar being himself. it's really a whole sight to see. and then she makes her way over, and raises a brow back.]
[scien looks at the bottle again to double-check, puts it back, and then grabs a red]
Sure.
[he doesn't care enough to choose between wines. he'll go through the process of taking the glasses down and pouring. he tries to think of how to best explain...]
If your blood is examined under a microscope, to the breakdown of its contents, it can tell you things about your health. The vitals the pods show don't give me enough information. I want to know what being here does to my body, and all of us. Or how it treats my blood differently, since my lifespan is different.
[science things but in a kinda unhinged way. he gestures toward one of the glasses for her to take]
Nothing yet. I don't have the tools to perform a proper analysis. You typically need more equipment, and I can build it myself... but the materials aren't available. I wanted a sample from this time regardless, since blood can also change over time depending on the environment and now that we're awake, it sounds like things will change.
The one I spoke to seemed to have no control over anything. They just offered to pass my complaints along up the ladder. [which to her is basically the same as saying i'll see if i can find it in the back.]
I also find myself disappointed. [she reaches up to adjust the collar around her neck.] There must be some way to send us back without having to endure eight weeks of nonsense.
[there's the smallest scowl on her face at this. she takes a sip of wine and it's a little more aggressive than before.]
Stuck here as a delivery girl. [idly:] Do you think if the senior crew were to vanish mysteriously, we'd be able to promote some of our own to the position and redirect the ship?
I already told Encino that I'll side with whoever's the most efficient and annoys me the least. A reasonable company ought to do the same: follow what maximizes profit for them.
[he also sips his wine, shrugging lightly]
They've said enough about being able to earn our way to more information that's classified if we get promotions.
Complete our first tour with the company, and then our performance will be reviewed. If we perform well, we can rise the ranks.
[he yawns]
I've never had to work for someone else before, but if it gets me what I want and it's not entirely an annoyance, I'll consider it to pass the time while I work on my own projects.
[hELP MEEE NOOOOO DAHUT IS SO CUTE AND THAT'S ITTTTT HE'S JUST A LIL GUYYYY as much as anyone in virche is just a lil guy]
Most of my life and his, at this point. [and it's only because he's had enough to drink that he admits - ] He is an annoyance and a nag, but he is my right hand.
[a beat. he looks down at his right hand and lack of left arm.]
[please be more concerned. but scien looks thoughtful about that. is dahut kind? it's like he's never thought about it before. more accurately, he can say:]
How sad for you. [...] I heard there was something called a medbay that exists on this ship, somewhere. Maybe your human existence won't be pitiful for long.
[he's being honest... he doesn't like 99% of people here... i'm not even sure if he likes throné bc i don't know if scien likes anyone but he tolerates her and finds her funny and that's pretty good for weekend zero]
[she doesn't seem bothered by it at least, she's kind of approaching the entire station in a somewhat friendly but also "they could dissect me at any time" sort of way.
anyway hi, throné is here in her usual outfit, eating a raspberry cookie. the emotions are some stupid combination of i really like this and i am sad but it's hard to tell if the sadness is just kind of a pervasive thing or it's because she's eating the cookies.
she's also reading a book! listening to her thoughts while tethered is kind of just like getting an audiobook of throné's asmr voice reading hitchhiker's guide.
she doesn't look up when she senses him, but her thoughts do derail into something that's kind of like a rundown of him? like an abbreviated version of his ic profile, name, age, callsign, notable skill.]
there's the slightest bump of what is similar to curiosity but not quite, and he tilts his head. he honestly moves as though he's going to leave her be, but because i don't want this thread to end, there's going to be something else instead!!
a flicker of feeling - something that comes with the next breath that she takes, that starts in her chest and then spreads through the rest of her body. a pain that shocks through her system, making it hard to think and breathe, and yet with every breath she takes it only comes in a stronger wave.
well, she's not expecting it, which is why she drops her book and very nearly drops the cookie, too. there's a pause as she tries to make sense of that, dizzy and disoriented - it doesn't last long, because unfortunately she's accustomed to pain like that, but. not exactly that. that was a lot to process, and already her thoughts are whirling with degradation and a couple of ow, fucks.
she clutches at the couch very tightly, and then:]
she seems a little surprised, enough that it shuts her up for a second. it does not stop her thoughts, which are along the lines of something like it's not you, i'm always sad which is kind of lame and pathetic, but. it's true!]
... Alright. [and then flounders, because she has a 9 in charisma]
I'm not... gloomy. [nyeh] ... The idea that there is something inside me that is changing me makes me uncomfortable. I can't seem to escape it. I'd be surprised if you didn't intuit that.
[she trusts he's brilliant enough that he can read between the lines even if he doesn't want to.]
[absolutely he hits the nail on the head. that's where the anger comes again, something ferocious and cruel, something that wants justice. and she swallows it down. puts it away. back into the box it goes, where it belongs.]
... Yes. [a pause, and then:] Sorry.
[she doesn't want him to see that part of her, really.]
[it is exactly the same as the first time he felt the strong emotion from her - the way in which, once it reaches him, it never manifests completely. instead, it stalls in its strength before disappearing completely. as if there is something preventing the full emotion from making contact.
he closes his eyes against it, as if processing for a moment. then he looks to her]
I won't make you tolerate more of me than you need to.
[she's not entirely sure what to make of the way he adblocks her strong emotion - but even if she did, she's not wildly into making people experience what she considers the worst parts of herself. or at the very least, the nastiest parts, even if she considers them necessary.]
there's a little pinprick of emotion from scien first this time - it's still slightly oddly processed. literally none of his feelings are normal. but there is a slight bit of surprise, coupled with almost being impressed. to a degree, he likes when people understand his unwillingness to engage too deeply.]
Hm...
You're right that I don't particularly care to navigate through people's emotions. Most of them have nothing to do with me.
throné by default is a somber person, and this week has been something already - she's had a few people notice that she's sad, and she never knows how to tell them that it's persistent. that achy, deep hurt just lives in her chest, in her throat, around her neck. but for her, it's like any chronic pain. you learn how to live with it, as best you can. and eventually it stops registering. she's been surprised each time someone points it out.
and for someone like scien, who she's assigned as someone who prefers to keep things at a distance, through the glass, the way she keeps people at a physical arm's length - she'd been content in respecting his boundaries. especially now that she felt that horrible, grinding pain from earlier.
she's silent for a moment, just watching him. fondness, huh. even just a little bit. and then:]
... It's necessary, but one day, I'd like to not feel it. [that anger.] Thank you.
I'd say that the world needs to stop being a hellhole first. Probably by force.
[after all, it's not like she signed up for either of these situations - definitely not this second one. scien thinks that if those emotions are useful for anything, it's that drive to keep pushing against the chains that bind you.
it's something that he's had to look at more clearly late; how what he discarded still has its uses.]
There's nothing to thank me for, and nothing to apologize to me for.
[a snort of amusement at the world being a hellhole. fair! fair enough. agreed.
she smiles at him anyway, even though he tells her what he does. it's hard not to. i'd like to see your success feels enough like some measure of hope that she can't help it. if she can hold on, the dawn is coming, and she's looking forward to it.]
You will. [she says, firmly.] I will not stop until I'm free, or dead.
[i assigned aki dead all week and then was like no fuck when i was correct
anyway i don't even know how to start this, i guess throné is looking for him. the emotion is real bad, real sick, but she thinks that even so, even with the way she knows scien and dahut feel things - it can't be anything in the face of what he must be going through.]
[I'M GONNA KILL HIMMMMMM AND PIXIIIII WHAT ABOUT MY LUKE/THRONE
anyway you ever see what a stupidass man looks like without his assistant well about to find out
scien is even more disheveled than usual, clothes a mess, hair out of its braid and just poorly managed, and his expression is - pinched. his emotions are terribly processed as always - but there's so many more of them now, coming from a man who feels nothing at all. bewilderment. frustration. and then this churning, grinding feeling of an anger that builds and builds and builds—before it stops. disappears. and then starts the process all fucking over again, always running. rage on repeat.
he's in the observation room though, looking at the door that locked them in earlier. when she approaches he'll glance over to her and his face doesn't give away any of what he was feeling. but.]
[she says, swallowing hard. there's a second where she just kind of takes in the way he looks, the emotional loop, and anything she's feeling shuts down and gets shelved. she moves closer, and holds out a hand.]
Let me fix your hair. [let her fix anything. she's a little shellshocked.]
[yeah. she understands that. for more reasons than one, but. she understands.
he goes to the couch, and she follows him. carefully, she sits down next to him, and shifts just enough so she has the space to braid his hair for him. her hands are slender and gentle and efficient as she starts to separate the pieces.]
[on the one hand, scien thinks that this is what he's owed. if something has been taken from him, then he should be able to get answers.
it's just that he doesn't expect anyone to help him, despite all his bossing around. if people are intimidated into cooperation with him, that's fine. if they're doing so out of pity, that's still fine as long as they get somewhere.
but since help is being offered, and he has the option to accept or decline...]
I liked him. He was very sweet to me, and I won't allow him to fade away without answers. This investigation is for my benefit - if you'd like help, I'm offering it, but I'll be doing it either way.
[especially from someone that scien thinks has two braincells to rub together. he's already without his assistant, which puts him at an inconvenience here.
. . . . ]
He would be happy.
To hear that you cared for him without strings attached.
[the first comment was made simply because that's not the environment that scien and dahut are from. when you're at the top of the institute, everyone is either trying to use you as a way to bring themselves up - or to take you down.]
... both of us were and are probably going to die upon return to our home world. I told him that makes any connections we make here fairly useless to us.
He told me, in his usual annoying way, that the acting of making them still means something. I don't know if that will bring you comfort but...
You've been trying to find a way to extend the lifespan of your people, right? To live to an old age. [or at least, that's the impression she's gotten from both him and dahut.] Why? Why is that important to you?
Because I don't believe one population should be condemned to early death because of the misfortune of where they were born. My father and grandfather researched it all their short lives, and came up with nothing to show for it.
I finished my projects, so I took up the mantle because I was bored. I developed Reliver technology in those months.
[infuriating man creates clone tech because he ran out of hobbies]
Now, I simply aim to finish what I started. To free the island of its so called curse, because it is my responsibility as someone who has the capability in his grasp. I don't have a big, altruistic reason. I imagine that's disappointing to people... but I would be lying if I said I had one.
Hm. No, I don't think you would. I suppose I'd think you much more selfish if you had just left it at I do this because I was bored and hate leaving projects unfinished.
It's not a disappointing answer. I wasn't expecting anything grandiose. I have an idea of who you are, or at the very least, who you present yourself as.
You said that he thought the act of making connections still mattered, even if you were going to die. What's the point of living if you don't enjoy what it gives you?
I just wondered what the point of giving other people more time was if you didn't believe in that. But your answer was sufficient.
... I've always existed separately from others. Even before I became a Reliver, my connections and emotions weren't very strong.
But for others... [a pause, like he's considering. remembering something. someone else's voice in his head going you're not some god] ... and maybe one day for myself -
I think there is nothing wrong with fulfilling a full, rich, self-involved life.
[to protect themselves and care for themselves - in a way scien doesn't entirely know how to]
... That's what I want. So I agree with you. [she wants to be free, and she can't say that she isn't selfish (which isn't quite self-involved, but they're interchangeable, for her) for wanting it, considering what she has to do to earn it.] If it's not out of my reach, I don't think it's out of the question for you.
You are a very interesting person, Scien. [that sounds like a compliment. gently, she places his braid over his shoulder.] And I'm sorry about Dahut.
... I did. I do. [there's an achy little feeling when she thinks about luke - a blip of a thought about his smile, and then she shifts, standing up to move out of his tether range.]
well, there's a slide of a sharper feeling (that still comes out a little crunchy) as he pieces out what it is - recognition, apprehension, hesitation.
he is contemplative for a moment before he ultimately allows it, still wary:]
... I will let you know if it becomes too much. Until then, you're not troubling me unless I say so.
she glances at him, and this time there's a little wryness in her emotions.]
I'm not going to ask you to talk about my feelings with me, Scien. [she's already detaching again, putting the thoughts where she can't touch them.] You don't need to be afraid of the possibility.
He told me a little about the emotional side of it. That you run the risk of losing emotions each time. And that he was trying to make that happen less.
Not all emotions—but most strong ones. Regret, hatred, jealousy, elation... they can be too much for the system to process. Even now, I keep feeling my memory bank warn me against my own anger. [the cycles are because scien's about to overheat like an old laptop] In general, the ones we feel aren't... exactly the same.
[it's why scien's emotions truly never feel entirely right]
The only emotion that will never translate properly to our bodies is love. [because it's an otome game] The results can be dangerous. So I can't be around any of you, if it means you might share that feeling with me.
On the fifth time, I lose my mind and try to rip my own memory bank, which exists in the form of a makeshift heart, out of my chest because the feeling floods the system, causing an overload of pain.
[this is sarcasm. but there is a small bit of sadness for him, even though she knows he'd probably hate it. she's never been in love, but she's felt it. never being able to experience it sounds. well, lonely.]
horizontal again i'm sorry this man is really splayed out on the ground looking at the ceiling. his emotions are still in that tight little box bundle, but the strongest one that leaks through is this sense of being lost.]
I haven't. If anything, I am more collared than ever before.
I am left without understanding of my own choices, making me unable to recognize myself. I am accepting of wallowing in this world as a human, to accept my own pitiful emotions...
But I have never been confused by myself.
[and that is where he sits now, pondering his own thoughts and emotions on repeating. running into the same dead ends and roadblocks, unable to organize his own logic.]
No. I don't think so. That's a temporary thing. [...] You just haven't had any opportunity to learn more about yourself for a long time.
... I don't know what's happening to you. It made you do something that you would never do.
[but she thinks of that last little snippet of his thoughts - maybe i should have asked for help - and maybe she's only known him for a couple of days, but she thinks that was something new.]
I don't know if I can accept a help that puts others at such risk. That goes against my principles too.
[when this place is so dangerous, and it's impossible to know who to trust. scien, even if he's willing to reach out a hand, doesn't want to drag someone else into the depths of hades with him.]
Maybe when there are more answers, and if I am still here... I will allow it.
assuming they are somewhere in a more isolated corner of the venue! there's a brief second where the image glitches - and instead of blurry shu, it's unfortunately scien brofiise. downgrade. on his throat, a scar stretches over where his reliver tattoo once was but... otherwise it's definitely him.
wait, OH, HELLO. she stares for a long second, because she's so absolutely glad to see him, but. it's also not like she's completely surprised, either. a little surprised to see him in this place specifically, but - it's nice to have her theories all confirmed.]
... Scien. [a... shaky little laugh, and then:] So you know about it. I wasn't sure if anyone but Viktor would.
[she figured viktor would pass it along, but it's good to have confirmation.]
... But I agree. I prefer it like this. I did not want to die. [not that anybody wanted to, necessarily, but.] And now none of us will have to, so long as the ship doesn't find some way to turn the tables on us once more.
[scien has been back two days and in those days, he first lost an arm and then he regained one. that's right! somehow scien already had both arms back! that much is probably obvious from how he's walking around (somewhere. anywhere. void.) messing with the IRIS with one hand and eating a piece of bread with the other.
but that's not the only thing. nearly two months ago, one might remember that scien's emotions were... not quite right the last time people could share feelings. echoes of what they should be. never that strong. more like small little bumps rather than the highs and lows of true feeling. that's what it meant to be a reliver.
they're getting trapped in a void - ugh memshare! gimme!! - but there is also one very, very immediate feeling in its strongest form: annoyance.
. . . but that's still a real emotion, isn't it? (anyway gimme a memshare or tell me you want one mwah)]
[scien out here doing science as french god intended ig
they are trapped in the void, and throné gets about two seconds to recognize the difference. the emotion in him surprises her, remembering the off-kilter nature of it before. scien, in return, is very observant, so it's likely he'll notice that her throat is bare. no collar for her...
and she's going to say something, but she gets interrupted. from here to 2:48:31, when the fight starts.
[the first emotion that hits him is curiosity as he notices her bare neck—and then the memory comes.
scien has watched so many of these with a fairly distant curiosity, it can be hard to parse out how vividly he seems to feel human emotions now. but with this one in particular, there is simply this growing sense of judgment and disgust. in the background of his emotions, there is a concern for her and all she went through, but scien's nothing if not insanely honest.
[well - she was a little distant, after this one, but scien says that and it startles her into laughing, something helpless that she tries to cover with her hand. he's not wrong!]
That is a very good word for him. [she says, exhaling slow.] ... He's dead, at least.
[there is the slightest blip of relief in hearing her laugh. that's good.
but he frowns thoughtfully afterward. in his now functioning emotions, there is a sense that he does not know what to say—and finally, ever so slightly, cares about possibly saying the wrong thing.]
Is that something you would receive 'congratulations' for? Or is there another sentiment you prefer?
[she is absolutely fascinated by his emotions, actually - the relief, and the very slight concern about getting it right... that makes her smile, at least, small as it is. it's been weeks since she's really been able to interact with him, and she remembers the crunched up and off way his emotions used to make it through.
there's a sense of something... maybe not proud, that's not exactly the right word, but glad for him.]
Congratulations works, yes. [she says, rubbing at her face a little.] Good riddance to horrible trash.
... That is the last thing I experienced before arriving here. It will be surreal to go back to that moment.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
weekend zero saturday
there is already a medical kit on the bar counter, clearly open and used. don't worry about it. the multi-tool isn't far either. on scien's floppy sleeve where his arm definitely isn't (and hasn't been since he arrived) there's a bloodstain. help me.
when throné walks in, he'll raise a brow silently. he's not ignoring her! this is already something.]
no subject
maybe to her credit she only pauses a little when she walks in and beholds scien lackofabrofist at the bar being himself. it's really a whole sight to see. and then she makes her way over, and raises a brow back.]
What did you do? [why bleed]
no subject
[it's not a big bloodstain at least, mostly just looks like it was used to wipe something.... it's fine]
Wine?
[he can't finish a whole glass, much less a bottle himself.... he will not admit this]
no subject
Depends. Red? [...] A blood... sample?
[why do you need that... medical science in solistia is like, herbs and holy magic.]
no subject
Sure.
[he doesn't care enough to choose between wines. he'll go through the process of taking the glasses down and pouring. he tries to think of how to best explain...]
If your blood is examined under a microscope, to the breakdown of its contents, it can tell you things about your health. The vitals the pods show don't give me enough information. I want to know what being here does to my body, and all of us. Or how it treats my blood differently, since my lifespan is different.
[science things but in a kinda unhinged way. he gestures toward one of the glasses for her to take]
no subject
she takes a glass, swirling it absently.]
Interesting. [she says, thoughtfully.] And have you discovered anything yet? Or is this a work in progress?
no subject
[he will take a sip of the drink first]
Your thoughts? Does a riot still sound fun?
no subject
[and - at the question, her lips twitch at the corners.]
Fun, yes. Practical, no.
no subject
[a peek of wry amusement]
They've made it clear they enjoy keeping us under their thumb. All communications monitored? What tyrants.
no subject
[not that she has experience with that or anything]
For the amount of leaves they're offering to pay us, it seems unlikely to me that everything is above board.
no subject
What do you suppose of these Senior members? Actually capable of making changes or just puppets?
no subject
[she says, after a moment.]
The one I spoke to seemed to have no control over anything. They just offered to pass my complaints along up the ladder. [which to her is basically the same as saying i'll see if i can find it in the back.]
no subject
[he sighs, exhausted]
I didn't expect to get answers but I'm surprised I still find myself disappointed.
no subject
I also find myself disappointed. [she reaches up to adjust the collar around her neck.] There must be some way to send us back without having to endure eight weeks of nonsense.
no subject
[but
he finds his eyes drawn to her collar again and asks very straightforwardly - ]
If I ask after what you keep fiddling with, would you answer? It doesn't matter to me if you won't. But the tick is telling.
no subject
and just shrugs. she doesn't seem to mind - it's not really a secret, so much.]
... It's a collar. If I take it off, it will flood my system with a fast acting, incurable poison, and I'll die.
no subject
no subject
no subject
[sure that's a natural conclusion to draw]
What makes it difficult?
[besides fast acting incurable poison,,]
no subject
[HELP THE WAY IT IS THOUGH]
It would take some measure of sawing to get through it. Not that it would matter. Anything sharp will set it off.
no subject
Congratulations.
[and he does seem to mean it.... he hates being controlled]
Do you know what type of poison it is? Or how the system knows when to release it?
no subject
... Thanks.
[as for the rest:] No. I'm not sure. Like I said. The top of the chain keeps the leash tight.
no subject
Inconvenient.
If you ever want to be set free, let me know. I don't mind taking on thought puzzles now and again.
no subject
no subject
Then I take it you're searching for leads within the criminal organization that placed it on you to dismantle it.
[just to put all the pieces together]
no subject
... Yes. Which is why I need to go back to my world.
no subject
[damn. sucks.
scien will refill both of their glasses of wine]
no subject
Stuck here as a delivery girl. [idly:] Do you think if the senior crew were to vanish mysteriously, we'd be able to promote some of our own to the position and redirect the ship?
no subject
[he also sips his wine, shrugging lightly]
They've said enough about being able to earn our way to more information that's classified if we get promotions.
no subject
Did they say specifically how to get a promotion? [the idea makes her skin crawl because she hates capitalism but it's fine.]
no subject
[he yawns]
I've never had to work for someone else before, but if it gets me what I want and it's not entirely an annoyance, I'll consider it to pass the time while I work on my own projects.
no subject
she tries not to also yawn.]
Isn't a tour eight weeks? [she might be wrong about this, she was just listening to other people's conversations.]
no subject
Two months must seem like a long time to people who have something to get back to.
no subject
she takes another sip of wine.]
I won't be here for two months. [you will, it's a murder game]
no subject
no subject
If they can send us back precisely at the moment that we left, it'll be fine, but I... would prefer to be there now.
[this is slightly pouty.]
no subject
more wine....? scien has no idea how to help people emotionally process help me we're getting wfrench girl wasted on a saturday]
Timelines can diverge as well, in case you haven't experienced that. [thanks virches....]
no subject
... It depends on what you mean by diverge. [thankfully the wine is just making her petulant and not actually upset, if that's any relief for scien.]
no subject
I mean that the timelines went in two different directions, rather than following the same path. So they diverged.
[wait]
They're not... the same.
[local genius who developed eternal youth kneecapped by exactly one fucking glass of red wine]
no subject
I see. [this time she actually does see. a beat.] It's not that it's diverged for me, I think, but that my companion remembers more than me.
... You and Dahut are from the same world, yes?
no subject
Oh. Yes.
[which reminds him that now he's going to pull out something from his lab coat pocket and bestow it into throné's hands
it's temenos' furry ears
scien nods to himself like he's made a good choice, and she knows what to do with them]
no subject
she... she takes them... and goes bwuh?]
How did these get here...
[the stupid thing is she probably does recognize them. a beat, and she kind of grins.]
Hm. He'll be glad to get these back. [spoken in the tone of he absolutely will be so annoyed that i'm going to put these on his head]
no subject
scien smiles, slow and amused, but again it's a fairly mocking one]
He ought to be more honest about his hobbies.
[TEMENOS SPECIFICALLY SAID THEY'RE NOT HIS HOBBIESSSS]
no subject
she has had just enough wine that this makes her laugh!!]
He'll be honest the day he dies and not a moment before.
no subject
scien nods, as if he fully comprehends everything that's happening]
Ah, like Dahut.
[nOOOOOO NOT LIKE DAHUTTTTT]
You are a worthwhile companion, to carry this knowledge on this behalf.
no subject
I do my best. [she says, taking another sip of wine.] ... Have you known him a long time? Dahut.
no subject
Most of my life and his, at this point. [and it's only because he's had enough to drink that he admits - ] He is an annoyance and a nag, but he is my right hand.
[a beat. he looks down at his right hand and lack of left arm.]
... I guess he could be the left...?
no subject
[that is a rude joke but she makes it anyway]
... He is very kind. [he has been SO nice to her and she doesn't know what to do with that actually]
no subject
[please be more concerned. but scien looks thoughtful about that. is dahut kind? it's like he's never thought about it before. more accurately, he can say:]
He has mothering tendencies.
no subject
she looks at his arm
and then:]
Hm. I wonder why.
no subject
looks at her with his stupid tipsy face ]
I also wonder...
[ok genius]
no subject
actually:]
How did you lose your arm? [she figures if he doesn't want to answer he just won't.]
no subject
[he like
says the words but he's so blasé about it?]
no subject
How sad for you. [...] I heard there was something called a medbay that exists on this ship, somewhere. Maybe your human existence won't be pitiful for long.
no subject
[a beat]
Well, there is a giant fish man, so perhaps I will see how he fares first.
no subject
[this is not chastising in the least. she's kind of just like lol]
no subject
[watch how sidon does in the medbay....]
I've started a practice where I only take those who offer themselves.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
[the smile that curls on his face is slow, amused, ever so slightly less mean. he tilts his head to match her movement]
I can't say you look particularly frightened, Mademoiselle.
[truly the most taunting 'mademoiselle' of all time]
no subject
[a pause, as she reaches for her wine glass. mostly so she can hide her own smile behind it.]
But I can act appropriately for a modest fee, if you'd like.
no subject
When I find you perfectly acceptable as you are.
no subject
[teasing! but also, like:]
High praise coming from you, I think.
no subject
[he answered that too quickly]
no subject
I'll take it.
no subject
It's preferable to being enemies.
no subject
besides, she's used to being tolerated.]
It is. I've got enough as is.
no subject
Always.
You'd think we've done something wrong.
[you know.... besides the horrible things on their profiles... he is being sarcastic]
w0, MONDAY
anyway hi, throné is here in her usual outfit, eating a raspberry cookie. the emotions are some stupid combination of i really like this and i am sad but it's hard to tell if the sadness is just kind of a pervasive thing or it's because she's eating the cookies.
she's also reading a book! listening to her thoughts while tethered is kind of just like getting an audiobook of throné's asmr voice reading hitchhiker's guide.
she doesn't look up when she senses him, but her thoughts do derail into something that's kind of like a rundown of him? like an abbreviated version of his ic profile, name, age, callsign, notable skill.]
no subject
there's the slightest bump of what is similar to curiosity but not quite, and he tilts his head. he honestly moves as though he's going to leave her be, but because i don't want this thread to end, there's going to be something else instead!!
a flicker of feeling - something that comes with the next breath that she takes, that starts in her chest and then spreads through the rest of her body. a pain that shocks through her system, making it hard to think and breathe, and yet with every breath she takes it only comes in a stronger wave.
until it suddenly disappears goodbye flicker]
no subject
well, she's not expecting it, which is why she drops her book and very nearly drops the cookie, too. there's a pause as she tries to make sense of that, dizzy and disoriented - it doesn't last long, because unfortunately she's accustomed to pain like that, but. not exactly that. that was a lot to process, and already her thoughts are whirling with degradation and a couple of ow, fucks.
she clutches at the couch very tightly, and then:]
-- Was that you? [augh.]
no subject
Most likely.
[ . . . ]
Are you alright?
[it took him a second to ask but like. at least he asks]
no subject
Yes.
[she sounds firm, at least.]
... Is that persistent? [):]
no subject
But I have little intention of giving you another reason to feel sad, so pick a different topic.
[he caught it earlier...]
no subject
she seems a little surprised, enough that it shuts her up for a second. it does not stop her thoughts, which are along the lines of something like it's not you, i'm always sad which is kind of lame and pathetic, but. it's true!]
... Alright. [and then flounders, because she has a 9 in charisma]
no subject
scien is silent for a few moments as well because he has a 2 in charisma (only slightly a joke)
eventually he sighs]
And?
What are you gloomy over?
no subject
she wrinkles her nose a little, but.]
I'm not... gloomy. [nyeh] ... The idea that there is something inside me that is changing me makes me uncomfortable. I can't seem to escape it. I'd be surprised if you didn't intuit that.
[she trusts he's brilliant enough that he can read between the lines even if he doesn't want to.]
no subject
[he sighs and goes to take a seat, a fair distance away so that she doesn't get sniped by his (redacted) again]
Are you worried that you're going to lose yourself?
no subject
she leans back against the sofa.]
... Not so much as I'm worried it'll kill me before I'm free.
no subject
[nanites to force compliance onboard the ship possibly, and then collar still locked upon her]
It must be difficult to struggle against a new, invisible collar.
no subject
... Yes. [a pause, and then:] Sorry.
[she doesn't want him to see that part of her, really.]
no subject
he closes his eyes against it, as if processing for a moment. then he looks to her]
... why do you apologize to me?
no subject
[she's not entirely sure what to make of the way he adblocks her strong emotion - but even if she did, she's not wildly into making people experience what she considers the worst parts of herself. or at the very least, the nastiest parts, even if she considers them necessary.]
[1/2]
there's a little pinprick of emotion from scien first this time - it's still slightly oddly processed. literally none of his feelings are normal. but there is a slight bit of surprise, coupled with almost being impressed. to a degree, he likes when people understand his unwillingness to engage too deeply.]
Hm...
You're right that I don't particularly care to navigate through people's emotions. Most of them have nothing to do with me.
no subject
his expression softens, just a fraction.]
... but I'm still seated.
[he can and will leave at any moment. he's choosing not to.]
What I felt through you... I wouldn't call it bad by any definition.
no subject
throné by default is a somber person, and this week has been something already - she's had a few people notice that she's sad, and she never knows how to tell them that it's persistent. that achy, deep hurt just lives in her chest, in her throat, around her neck. but for her, it's like any chronic pain. you learn how to live with it, as best you can. and eventually it stops registering. she's been surprised each time someone points it out.
and for someone like scien, who she's assigned as someone who prefers to keep things at a distance, through the glass, the way she keeps people at a physical arm's length - she'd been content in respecting his boundaries. especially now that she felt that horrible, grinding pain from earlier.
she's silent for a moment, just watching him. fondness, huh. even just a little bit. and then:]
... It's necessary, but one day, I'd like to not feel it. [that anger.] Thank you.
no subject
[after all, it's not like she signed up for either of these situations - definitely not this second one. scien thinks that if those emotions are useful for anything, it's that drive to keep pushing against the chains that bind you.
it's something that he's had to look at more clearly late; how what he discarded still has its uses.]
There's nothing to thank me for, and nothing to apologize to me for.
Be as you are. I'd like to see your success.
no subject
she smiles at him anyway, even though he tells her what he does. it's hard not to. i'd like to see your success feels enough like some measure of hope that she can't help it. if she can hold on, the dawn is coming, and she's looking forward to it.]
You will. [she says, firmly.] I will not stop until I'm free, or dead.
w0, FRIDAY
anyway i don't even know how to start this, i guess throné is looking for him. the emotion is real bad, real sick, but she thinks that even so, even with the way she knows scien and dahut feel things - it can't be anything in the face of what he must be going through.]
no subject
anyway you ever see what a stupidass man looks like without his assistant well about to find out
scien is even more disheveled than usual, clothes a mess, hair out of its braid and just poorly managed, and his expression is - pinched. his emotions are terribly processed as always - but there's so many more of them now, coming from a man who feels nothing at all. bewilderment. frustration. and then this churning, grinding feeling of an anger that builds and builds and builds—before it stops. disappears. and then starts the process all fucking over again, always running. rage on repeat.
he's in the observation room though, looking at the door that locked them in earlier. when she approaches he'll glance over to her and his face doesn't give away any of what he was feeling. but.]
Find anything?
no subject
... No. Doors are locked.
[she says, swallowing hard. there's a second where she just kind of takes in the way he looks, the emotional loop, and anything she's feeling shuts down and gets shelved. she moves closer, and holds out a hand.]
Let me fix your hair. [let her fix anything. she's a little shellshocked.]
no subject
but then so, so briefly that it can be easy to miss: the briefest glimmer of heartache. of someone who he expects to be here, but isn't.
he moves to walk past her. but only to a couch, where he sits. to make it easier for her. he says nothing, but hopefully the action is enough.]
no subject
he goes to the couch, and she follows him. carefully, she sits down next to him, and shifts just enough so she has the space to braid his hair for him. her hands are slender and gentle and efficient as she starts to separate the pieces.]
... I will help you figure out what happened.
no subject
it's just that he doesn't expect anyone to help him, despite all his bossing around. if people are intimidated into cooperation with him, that's fine. if they're doing so out of pity, that's still fine as long as they get somewhere.
but since help is being offered, and he has the option to accept or decline...]
Name what you want in exchange.
no subject
[she says, not looking at him.]
I liked him. He was very sweet to me, and I won't allow him to fade away without answers. This investigation is for my benefit - if you'd like help, I'm offering it, but I'll be doing it either way.
no subject
[especially from someone that scien thinks has two braincells to rub together. he's already without his assistant, which puts him at an inconvenience here.
. . . . ]
He would be happy.
To hear that you cared for him without strings attached.
no subject
... That makes me happy. [she doesn't feel it, but she knows it must, eventually.] I hope he knew that I liked spending time with him.
no subject
[the first comment was made simply because that's not the environment that scien and dahut are from. when you're at the top of the institute, everyone is either trying to use you as a way to bring themselves up - or to take you down.]
... both of us were and are probably going to die upon return to our home world. I told him that makes any connections we make here fairly useless to us.
He told me, in his usual annoying way, that the acting of making them still means something. I don't know if that will bring you comfort but...
Your time with him did mean something.
no subject
It does. [she says, still soft.] It does mean something. Especially for those of us who only have one life to live.
There isn't much point to being alive if you don't enjoy the things that life gives you.
no subject
A thought for other people, I suppose.
[his emotions indicate he clearly thinks himself apart from that]
no subject
Hm. I don't think so. But I won't argue with you about it.
no subject
After all this.
no subject
... I have a question if you'll indulge me. We can exchange, as usual.
no subject
[insufferable bastard,]
But very well. Ask it.
no subject
You've been trying to find a way to extend the lifespan of your people, right? To live to an old age. [or at least, that's the impression she's gotten from both him and dahut.] Why? Why is that important to you?
no subject
I finished my projects, so I took up the mantle because I was bored. I developed Reliver technology in those months.
[infuriating man creates clone tech because he ran out of hobbies]
Now, I simply aim to finish what I started. To free the island of its so called curse, because it is my responsibility as someone who has the capability in his grasp. I don't have a big, altruistic reason. I imagine that's disappointing to people... but I would be lying if I said I had one.
no subject
[she seems genuinely curious about this]
no subject
It’s simply incidental that my work leads to salvation.
no subject
It's not a disappointing answer. I wasn't expecting anything grandiose. I have an idea of who you are, or at the very least, who you present yourself as.
no subject
Why does it matter?
[why bother asking for his motivations on this, the day of his dead dahut?]
no subject
You said that he thought the act of making connections still mattered, even if you were going to die. What's the point of living if you don't enjoy what it gives you?
I just wondered what the point of giving other people more time was if you didn't believe in that. But your answer was sufficient.
no subject
But for others... [a pause, like he's considering. remembering something. someone else's voice in his head going you're not some god] ... and maybe one day for myself -
I think there is nothing wrong with fulfilling a full, rich, self-involved life.
[to protect themselves and care for themselves - in a way scien doesn't entirely know how to]
no subject
... That's what I want. So I agree with you. [she wants to be free, and she can't say that she isn't selfish (which isn't quite self-involved, but they're interchangeable, for her) for wanting it, considering what she has to do to earn it.] If it's not out of my reach, I don't think it's out of the question for you.
You are a very interesting person, Scien. [that sounds like a compliment. gently, she places his braid over his shoulder.] And I'm sorry about Dahut.
no subject
[those condolences]
After all, you cared for them both, didn't you?
no subject
... I did. I do. [there's an achy little feeling when she thinks about luke - a blip of a thought about his smile, and then she shifts, standing up to move out of his tether range.]
no subject
but he'll reach up to catch ahold of her wrist - still light enough she can pull away if she wishes]
Stay, if you wish. If it's out of consideration for me, you don't have to move.
no subject
a pause, and then she sits back down.]
If you're sure. [now he has to suffer through her embarrassing baby crush on luke though, so that sucks for him]
no subject
uh
well, there's a slide of a sharper feeling (that still comes out a little crunchy) as he pieces out what it is - recognition, apprehension, hesitation.
he is contemplative for a moment before he ultimately allows it, still wary:]
... I will let you know if it becomes too much. Until then, you're not troubling me unless I say so.
no subject
she glances at him, and this time there's a little wryness in her emotions.]
I'm not going to ask you to talk about my feelings with me, Scien. [she's already detaching again, putting the thoughts where she can't touch them.] You don't need to be afraid of the possibility.
no subject
[my dreams of scien engaging in girltalk? DASHED. HOW WILL I GET MY HET CONTENT
. . . ]
What did Dahut tell you about Relivers?
no subject
He told me a little about the emotional side of it. That you run the risk of losing emotions each time. And that he was trying to make that happen less.
no subject
Not all emotions—but most strong ones. Regret, hatred, jealousy, elation... they can be too much for the system to process. Even now, I keep feeling my memory bank warn me against my own anger. [the cycles are because scien's about to overheat like an old laptop] In general, the ones we feel aren't... exactly the same.
[it's why scien's emotions truly never feel entirely right]
The only emotion that will never translate properly to our bodies is love. [because it's an otome game] The results can be dangerous. So I can't be around any of you, if it means you might share that feeling with me.
That's all.
no subject
but also because he says love and she looks. offended? she looks offended.]
I'm not feeling that. [... vague embarrassment.]
no subject
But I suppose you're right. At the moment, it's not that, or else I would ask you to move.
no subject
the embarrassment gets worse, but it's sort of indignant because she can't really argue it.]
... What happens? [she's curious.]
no subject
he's bewildered enough by this that he lets his face flatline even though his dahut is dead]
What happens.... if I fall in love?
[he needs to acknowledge how stupid it sounds out loud]
no subject
Or if you feel it strongly here. [just as flatly back]
no subject
On the fifth time, I lose my mind and try to rip my own memory bank, which exists in the form of a makeshift heart, out of my chest because the feeling floods the system, causing an overload of pain.
[so that's
cool and fun and a thing he'd like to avoid]
no subject
... Sounds like a fun time.
[this is sarcasm. but there is a small bit of sadness for him, even though she knows he'd probably hate it. she's never been in love, but she's felt it. never being able to experience it sounds. well, lonely.]
no subject
Stop pitying me over something I wouldn't want, even if it didn't run the risk of killing me.
[ . . . ]
For the sake of two lovebirds I owe a debt to... it's my secondary mission to fix it, after the curse. Dahut would enjoy it too.
no subject
... Good to know. People deserve to feel it if they want it.
no subject
[he shrugs]
But I suppose once you live past 23, you can have more time to think about things like that.
no subject
... That's the hope. For one more dawn.
w0, SATURDAY
I did tell you I would help you, I suppose.
no subject
horizontal again i'm sorry this man is really splayed out on the ground looking at the ceiling. his emotions are still in that tight little box bundle, but the strongest one that leaks through is this sense of being lost.]
You did. I'm grateful.
no subject
she doesn't mind him being horizontal. god knows she also wants to be, but she's too proper for it.]
What happened?
no subject
[in his emotions there's a sudden surge of violence, prompting his eyes open to look upward for a moment, before it ebbs. his brows furrow.]
... I wanted to see his heart. So I did.
no subject
Something... possessed you?
no subject
No. I chose to do it.
no subject
I don't understand.
no subject
... I know I chose it. This is my fault.
[ . . . but it feels like there's something missing]
My own logic has flaws.
no subject
Why would you choose it? You didn't want him dead, surely.
no subject
[ . . .
another softer thought it had to be me. it's my fault.]
no subject
[a pause.]
It doesn't make sense, Scien.
no subject
and in his feelings that lost feeling grows stronger
it doesn't. but it's true.]
... I don't believe I'm useful to you all any longer, mademoiselle.
no subject
I doubt any of the people here cared about you being useful. [a beat. wait, was that rude. ah.]
no subject
[S
SELF-AWARE?]
no subject
I've interacted with worse.
no subject
[but well
he thinks his point remains]
no subject
no subject
I am learning that, but a bit too late.
no subject
I don't think it's too late. [...] You've gotten rid of your collar.
no subject
I am left without understanding of my own choices, making me unable to recognize myself. I am accepting of wallowing in this world as a human, to accept my own pitiful emotions...
But I have never been confused by myself.
[and that is where he sits now, pondering his own thoughts and emotions on repeating. running into the same dead ends and roadblocks, unable to organize his own logic.]
no subject
No. I don't think so. That's a temporary thing. [...] You just haven't had any opportunity to learn more about yourself for a long time.
... I don't know what's happening to you. It made you do something that you would never do.
[but she thinks of that last little snippet of his thoughts - maybe i should have asked for help - and maybe she's only known him for a couple of days, but she thinks that was something new.]
You know that you can ask for help, now.
no subject
I don't know if I can accept a help that puts others at such risk. That goes against my principles too.
[when this place is so dangerous, and it's impossible to know who to trust. scien, even if he's willing to reach out a hand, doesn't want to drag someone else into the depths of hades with him.]
Maybe when there are more answers, and if I am still here... I will allow it.
week 4, post-mini event
but wow imagine two otome love interests being voiced by hosoyan! if throne isn't looking in his direction, she might hear someone else entirely.]
Mademoiselle. [NOT MORE FRENCH] I have something to talk to you about.
no subject
why are you french. anyway. she startles, looking over.]
... What?
no subject
assuming they are somewhere in a more isolated corner of the venue! there's a brief second where the image glitches - and instead of blurry shu, it's unfortunately scien brofiise. downgrade. on his throat, a scar stretches over where his reliver tattoo once was but... otherwise it's definitely him.
and all he says is:]
It's good that you survived.
no subject
wait, OH, HELLO. she stares for a long second, because she's so absolutely glad to see him, but. it's also not like she's completely surprised, either. a little surprised to see him in this place specifically, but - it's nice to have her theories all confirmed.]
... Scien. [a... shaky little laugh, and then:] So you know about it. I wasn't sure if anyone but Viktor would.
no subject
[well
at least you don't have to wonder if he's being honest]
no subject
Well. At least I know it's really you. [a pause.] I refused to die. But I suppose to do so isn't so bad, here.
no subject
[truly the vibes got so bad when sora named her target. funny.]
Even so, don't be in a rush to join us. That would be an entirely different commotion.
no subject
I promised I'd stay alive. [she says, soft.] So... I can't. I can't join you, for as much as I miss all of you.
Someone has to find a way to help you.
no subject
I don't care to experience emotions, myself.
But it doesn't mean I don't understand that other people have them. You don't need to steel yourself for my sake.
no subject
... No, I'm alright. [...] I didn't think there would be that much of a reaction to it.
[throné like who would be upset about this other than temenos because she sucks]
no subject
[thanks scien. so gentle as always]
Care is rarely so blatantly one-sided.
no subject
Fair enough. [...] I know that you will, but keep an eye on her. I don't want her to ruin things for the rest of you, wherever you are.
no subject
So if need be, we will simply put her in there.
[HELP]
no subject
You... [ok] Your own machine?
no subject
no subject
[she does not]
So it's just... the memory of you, but you can still retain further memory? You remember everything since you've... died?
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
-- Scien? [): is he gone forever...]
no subject
—I've never had so many inane conversations in my life.
no subject
Well, you certainly have an interesting group of people with you for that to be possible. [...] I heard next to nothing of what you just said.
no subject
[ . . . ]
I wasn't talking about them. The ones you're thinking of.
no subject
Oh, you mean the previous crew. [...] Or the rats. I hope you don't mean the rats.
no subject
[so yea the former]
no subject
I suppose I can't ask you if the previous crew has anything interesting to say. Please don't explode into opera like Dahut.
w6, SATURDAY
she's kind of just wandering around, but she does pause when she sees scien, and offers him a smile.]
... Scien. [alive alive alive! she seems genuinely pleased to see him.]
no subject
You seem well.
Said your hello's?
no subject
no subject
no subject
I'm sure you did your part in making sure the others arrived safely.
no subject
They were far more eager about the dress up rats.
no subject
[a beat.]
It's good to have you back on the living side, Scien. Shoma missed you.
no subject
The brat is too sentimental. [though the nickname clearly comes without malice]
I'm sure your many fans from the Helly Belly are similarly happy to reunite with you.
no subject
I'm sorry that I did not write. I figured you wouldn't have cared to read sentimentality.
no subject
[he truly thought that most of the ship would just forget him or not care about his existence]
So don't apologize. [a beat] It is better for us to reunite this way.
[than any sooner, or her on the other side]
no subject
[she figured viktor would pass it along, but it's good to have confirmation.]
... But I agree. I prefer it like this. I did not want to die. [not that anybody wanted to, necessarily, but.] And now none of us will have to, so long as the ship doesn't find some way to turn the tables on us once more.
week 7, monday
but that's not the only thing. nearly two months ago, one might remember that scien's emotions were... not quite right the last time people could share feelings. echoes of what they should be. never that strong. more like small little bumps rather than the highs and lows of true feeling. that's what it meant to be a reliver.
they're getting trapped in a void - ugh memshare! gimme!! - but there is also one very, very immediate feeling in its strongest form: annoyance.
. . . but that's still a real emotion, isn't it? (anyway gimme a memshare or tell me you want one mwah)]
no subject
they are trapped in the void, and throné gets about two seconds to recognize the difference. the emotion in him surprises her, remembering the off-kilter nature of it before. scien, in return, is very observant, so it's likely he'll notice that her throat is bare. no collar for her...
and she's going to say something, but she gets interrupted. from here to 2:48:31, when the fight starts.
sometimes you have immortals trauma! yay...]
no subject
scien has watched so many of these with a fairly distant curiosity, it can be hard to parse out how vividly he seems to feel human emotions now. but with this one in particular, there is simply this growing sense of judgment and disgust. in the background of his emotions, there is a concern for her and all she went through, but scien's nothing if not insanely honest.
so his first response is:]
What a fucking freak.
no subject
That is a very good word for him. [she says, exhaling slow.] ... He's dead, at least.
no subject
but he frowns thoughtfully afterward. in his now functioning emotions, there is a sense that he does not know what to say—and finally, ever so slightly, cares about possibly saying the wrong thing.]
Is that something you would receive 'congratulations' for? Or is there another sentiment you prefer?
no subject
there's a sense of something... maybe not proud, that's not exactly the right word, but glad for him.]
Congratulations works, yes. [she says, rubbing at her face a little.] Good riddance to horrible trash.
... That is the last thing I experienced before arriving here. It will be surreal to go back to that moment.